Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
