My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
