too bad you live with your parents still
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
