you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
