He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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