I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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