Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize