i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
