We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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