I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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