I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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