I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
