my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
