new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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