Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
