almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
