I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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