The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My dick has a subreddit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
