mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
