I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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