I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
