he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
