"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
