I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
