Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize