For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
two words: eviction party
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
