All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
