So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
