I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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