i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
