I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize