So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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