Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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