I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
