2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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