Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
