I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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