____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
