Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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