I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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