The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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