So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
