I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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