Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
