We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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