well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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