the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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