forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
