Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
