he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
