It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
