I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
