A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
