i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
