Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
