I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
