it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
