My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Life is so much better after having sex.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
