It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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