At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
