Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
