I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
