I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
