If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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