Your tits are I can't wait for
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
