Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
