Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
