Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
