In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
