you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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