Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
