another moral hangover. fuck.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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