So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize