I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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