That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
