I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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