I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
