Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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