If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
