U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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