so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My life is pants optional.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize