Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
