It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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