Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
