I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
