I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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